Yesterday, while sitting at my desk at work, I was distracted by the internet in between entering invoices. I saw something, a career I had attempted to pursue previously on one of the websites I was clicking between. It happened so quickly, that I cannot recall the website or what I was reading when I saw the career description. I was suddenly remembering all the times that I have attempted to pursue that career and all the times that I have not followed through.
When I was 21 I decided I should go back to school and finish my bachelors degree after a three year hiatus. I decided I wanted to do art. I applied to two schools and was accepted to both. Due to financial circumstances, I chose the less expensive school.
I originally chose my major as art education. I believe this is a practical use of my creativity. As a Pisces Venus, I love art and enjoy creating. But my Taurus ascendant is not comfortable with the idea of a starving artist. Being able to still create and teach others to enjoy this process really appealed to me. But a year into the program, I didn't feel like I was being allowed enough art classes, so I changed my major to fine art.
Then another year later, I went through a relationship issue and transferred schools. This last school was completely different than any I previously attended. This was a progressive school, without grades or lesson plans. It's called self-directed learning. I really loved what I did in my final two years there, a combination of art, writing, poetry, psychology and quantum physics. Unfortunately, in the real world of certification and requirements, my hippy personalized degree isn't getting me anywhere professionally.
I graduated and thought I might like to go to graduate school, but all three turned me down. Then I briefly attempted to figure out how I might get back into art education, and somewhere along the line I just gave up.
I became complacent, fearful. Of what, I don't know. I stand in my own way sometimes.
But when I sat there and saw "art educator"...a Uranian light bulb went off in my head. I still can't remember where I saw those words, and now I almost feel like I may have imagined them, which is all the better I think.
I am still fearful. But I don't want to be. I want to really put in some effort this time. After all, third time's the charm, right?