I know I'm not well, things have just been so off. I'm starting to close myself off more too. I'm a mess at work, trying to stay upbeat. I am distracted when home with the person I love the most.
I have no motivation. I have no desire to make any appointments with doctors or dentists or optometrists or therapists. I have no desire to do anything at work, but I still manage to get through it because without this, I would have no money and no future. At the very least, I get up in the morning and go to work and act happy. I stress this part - "at the very least".
Maybe I'm just a little somber due my dad's funeral services are finally taking place this weekend. We're having a funeral, burial and barbecue on Saturday in my dad's home town, about 2 hours from here. My best friend is going to come over from New York state to be with me too. I'm not anticipating this event with any kind of excitement, just pure anxiety. As the days get closer, my heart gets heavier.