Friday, February 26, 2010

One at a time

I wanted to pick one thing to rant about at a time. The first topic up for grabs, death and family.

I was raised to believe that family came first. I grew up Catholic and was taught that we need to take care of one another, honor and respect our mother and father, and treat others the way that we would want to be treated.

Just a few months ago, I told Greg that family is blood and love is inherent. He shot down my claim for good reason, he didn't believe love is inherent in a family, but learned.

During my father's passing, I learned that Greg was right.

My sister was absent. When Greg and I arrived in North Carolina the day after my father passed, my mom and sister and brother were all gathered at my sister's house to greet us. But when my mom drove Greg and I to her home, we didn't see my sister for two days. And on that day, she was a tyrant. It was all about her. Neither Greg or I could believe what we heard when she told us all that her and her friends were going out drinking that night. She did the opposite of what I always believed a family should do for one another. She ran away from us.

I was so disappointed. Greg knew it too. She tried to make it up to us while we were there, but it didn't matter. I told her it was okay. I told her not to worry or feel guilty because that wouldn't help anything. I didn't tell her it was too late.

I know I'll get over it, I hate holding grudges. But for now, it hurts a lot to know that the one person I thought I could trust, someone who was supposed to be family and a friend, ditched the people that matter most in one of the darkest times we have all encountered.

Point is, even though she is family, she has got to earn my love again.


  1. Oi. Pluto in the 8th indeed. Perhaps this is another manifestation--being privy to the dark side/Plutonian nature of other people´s energy.
    I imagine it´s hard for someone as loving as you. People react in some really fucking weird ways when loved ones died...there is no map:(

  2. I definitely feel that Pluto in the 8th is a huge part of these experiences. I also realized recently that the mars retrograde is sitting directly on my IC...I'm betting that is aggravating family issues as well.

    Jeanne's husband said during her funeral that death brings out the best and the worst in people. I hope that the best will come back out of my sister...I really do. I constantly remind myself that she's just 22. Some would say that shouldn't be an excuse, but I'm allowing it for now, because it helps me to keep from being angry with her. I love her too much to let small selfish mistakes separate us for the rest of our lives, especially when I know the guilt she's dealing with.

    Whoa, novel length response. :)