Anniversary

Today is the one year anniversary of my dad's death. I didn't remember when I first woke up or when I was on my way to work. I didn't remember when I was having coffee with some friends. I didn't remember until I was leaving the coffee shop and one of my friends reminisced that her mother passed away when she was very young. That ten minute walk between the coffee shop and work was excruciating. My throat was replaced by a lump.
I got to work and proceeded to cry at my desk. I've been trying my damn hardest to relax, but it's tough. I messaged my sister and we've been chatting a bit, but she stayed home today. I wish I had.

I think I'm getting better though, a little more under control at least. But focus, I have none. Being here is pretty stupid. I'd rather be having shots somewhere.

I would love to write about my dad and good things. It hurts too much. I miss him too much.

This picture was taken during his first and only trip to visit me in Boston. I got tickets for a Red Sox vs Tigers game since he grew up rooting for the Tigers. The Tigers won that game. The trip for them was sweet and sour. Dad was pumped full of prednizone and oxygen tanks were delivered to my apartment during their stay. This image is during our trip to Gloucester. Dad wanted lobsters, so I rented a wheelchair and we hopped in a Zipcar to the north shore. This is only the second to last time I saw him alive. His health just kept plummeting from then on.

I know wishing is useless, but I wish he wasn't gone. I miss him so much.