Wednesday, December 2, 2009


I'm back on my own couch, back home, back drinking my own coffee and typing on my own laptop.
I've been in North Carolina since last Thursday visiting my family, first staying with my mom and dad for a couple nights; then with my sister and her boyfriend for a few. I was fine the whole time, but by the last night, I couldn't help welling up with tears over small things like a song on the radio or watching the physical therapist with my dad. I just kept wondering to myself if this was the last time I would see him. It was so hard to walk out that front door and get in the car with my sister to the airport last night. I'm scared to be so far away...even though my sister says that it's better I don't have to see it all the time--as in dad's suffering, but it doesn't mean that I feel better about not seeing it.

Mom showed me a framed picture she had of dad and I from this summer when they came to visit me. He had said he wanted it next to his bed when he was in the hospital last month for all that time. He could barely talk through his wheezing the whole time I was there. His eyes were huge as he watched me leave the house last night. I couldn't stop waving and blowing kisses. So damn sad.

I started reading Wally Lamb's "I know this much is true" on the plane ride home last night. I might get into that a little later this afternoon.

I miss my dad already.


  1. I'm sorry your Dad is so sick:(

    Have you started getting busy with wedding stuff yet? Kind of hard to do that in the holiday season, I guess!

  2. Yep, the damn holidays are really putting a cramp in wedding planning. But...I am seeing a personal trainer to get in shape for the wedding if that counts for anything. :)

  3. This really touched me.
    I live down the street from my folks and I've never lived far away from them. Lately I've been wanting to get as far away as possible just because I'd like to experience life without them so close (as in, I'd like to officially be out, OUT on my own).
    Your post made me grateful to have them around.
    I'm sorry you are down about this. (((hugs)))

  4. Thanks Shell, it really is a blessing in disguise to be near family at times. I honestly just hope that my sister doesn't feel like the burden is completely on her to take care of mom and dad since I'm not around.
    I keep wishing I could be there and do more, that is for sure. I just keep telling myself that my dad loves me, he's proud of me, and he wants me to do what makes me happiest. *hugs* to you too!