G came home from a long day of golf and beer, mostly drunk and quite upset. He had a great day golfing with his friends from work. But he had bad news he had been keeping to himself these last couple of days. He had talked to his mom a few days ago and found out that the tumors were spreading. She had a new metastasis in her back. He is feeling guilty. He thinks that because he told her to take the summer off of treatment to enjoy it, that is the reason she's getting sicker now and could die.
Ugh. I'm in it right now. I'm numb about it all. I told him he can't put the blame on himself, it's a disease that can't be stopped. He played the what if game too, what if the doctor had decided to test for cancer before it had gotten into the third stage and before the 9th time she came down with pneumonia? I hate what if.
I have to get going. I need to clean up, pack some things and get ready for this weekend. I'm going to be fine. I am the rock for now.