I had a big birthday a couple weeks ago, the big 3-0. I was in Montana and didn't have a chance to write about anything that I was feeling, but don't worry, I think I have a moment now to pontificate.
First, a sip of red...
I don't know why everyone around me turned 30 and didn't care. It feels so important to me, like turning 16 or 18 or 21...but more determined. Those ages symbolized a certain freedom, 16 was old enough for your parents to trust you, 18 meant you were an adult and 21 meant you could drink and even 25 - I could finally rent a car! But there are no additional freedoms to be distributed at 30. Instead, I feel imprisoned by own thoughts and unfulfilled dreams. Instead, I feel like I need to restructure what I thought I would have accomplished by now into a new plan for the future of what is possible.
The only problem is, I honestly don't know what I'm planning for. I have a few dreams and ideas, and the spark and passion I had for planning my future is exciting and different now because I have another person to plan with. But I am still the same as I was at 18, because I still have no solid idea about what I'm doing. Dreams are lovely, but without a course of action, will I end up here again in another 30 years wondering how I never accomplished any of them?
I hope not, let's keep our fingers crossed. Happy belated birthday to me.